SECOND DIAMOND PEPES COMPANY REPORT
With our recent unprecedented growth, what a time it has been for Diamond Pepes Pty Ltd. Please read along for our Second Diamond Pepes Company Report
It is a beautiful Thursday morning, the birds are singing and my dog is curled at my feet. Your beloved CEO is wrapped in a warm blanket with a hot cup of cocoa, ready to update his doting Employees about all things related to the fine establishment of Diamond Pepes Pty Ltd.
When Gen 2 I hear you ask?
The time for Gen 2 is now. Please direct yourselves in an orderly fashion towards the Gen 2 pledge page and get rid of those pesky floors. For those that have not been keeping up to date with what this entails, please feel free to peruse our First Company Report.
As a brief summary:
- 537 Diamond Pepes must be pledged to initiate the mint and is also the maximum number that can be pledged
- Upon successful mint, pledgers will receive 1 (uno, один, 一) Gen 2 Diamond Pepe for free and share 15% of the Gen 2 mint revenue
- Each transaction can pledge up to 4 Diamond Pepes, each of which will provide a rarity boost of 12.5% (up to 50% with 4 pledged)
Now that the boring administrative work is out of the way, let us jump into some of the many milestones the Company has achieved in the last few weeks. This list is obviously not exhaustive - the internet lacks sufficient bandwidth to document all our achievements. Company profits are soaring and it is thanks to the dedication of each and every one of my beloved Employees.
- CEO is named Time Magazine’s “Person of the Year”
It is to nobody’s surprise that your handsome, charismatic, well-endowed CEO has been awarded the prestigious Time Magazine’s “Person of the Year” award. Read along here as I detail my progress from Janitor to CEO.
I hope that this story serves as an inspiration to all Employees out there. Pick yourself up by your bootstraps and you too could one day become a Chief Executive Officer of a fine establishment like Diamond Pepes Pty Ltd.
- Purchase of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia
After 12 seconds of discussion with our Company Treasurer Employee O_Gosh (ID has not yet been assigned), it was evident that Company profits had reached a point where it would not be prudent to hold all our funds in the corporate treasury.
Solution?
Diversify funding and purchase the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.
After careful deliberation, we chose to collateralise a single Nu Pepe on the so-called Jay Pegged protocol. A $694,206,969,420,420,696 loan for a 0.0001 LTV? We’ll take it.
Pictured above is our stunning Head of Acquisitions, Employee #1925 (“CapedApe” to colleagues) conducting the transaction. Thank you for your service.
- Employee #289 receives the Employee of the Month Award
Employee #289 has demonstrated exceptional dedication to Diamond Pepes Pty Ltd. and he has been unanimously voted (by myself) to be Employee of the Month for the month of March.
Killer good looks, religiously inclined, exceptionally well crafted body - what is not to love about “Omeguhh” as I believe he is called by his colleagues. Keep up the good work, your commitment to the cause has been duly noted.
- Corporate team-building activity at the carnival
Recently Diamond Pepes Pty Ltd. participated in a company wide team-building activity at the local carnival. A full day of mesmerizing acrobatics, animal acts, and all-round entertainment provided the perfect locale to bond with our fellow Employees.
Pictured above is our beloved Klown King, Employee #212 (“wigger” to his colleagues), with some of his beloved colleagues. Not pictured above is a certain clown who shall not be named due to corporate policy. We do not associate with said individual and shall have nothing further to do with him.
Thank you to the beautiful Employee #1967 (“Flipwaan” to his colleagues). Clowneenis.
- Hiring of the official Diamond Pepes Pty Ltd. interior designer
For those that do not work from home, you may have realized the entire office space has had a drastic do-over. Credits must go to our brand new interior designer Employee #1409 (“riumodenton” to his colleagues) who has toiled day and night to capture the pure nurodiversity of our beloved Company in artistic form.
Pictured above is your beloved CEO, Employee of the Month (March), and interior designer engaging in fruitful business discussion in our brand new conference room.
Our interior designer has really got to stop waving that flag around. The logo is hideous and he should feel bad for associating with this suspicious “Dopex”.
Wrap-Up
This concludes our Second Company Report. I hope that this provides my loyal Employees with a brief overview of some of the many achievements that we have achieved in such a short period of time.
For those that are not Employees but would like to take a plunge and join the Company, applications are still open. Please see here for instructions on how you can join one of the fastest growing companies in quite literally the entire universe.
Booba, groppa, and nueenis until next time, my lovely Employees.
Yours sincerely,
Nutoro
CEO of Diamond Pepes
CA CFA MBA MD PhD LLM
About Dopex
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